Attic Dust

Pressing hard, cut yourself shaving

Glide across the skin

refusing to admit defeat

In your upbeat deceit, you make me ill and still

you don't realize I can read you

I can clearly read you

Pressing hard, cut yourself shaving

Sweep across the skin

refusing to admit a thing

Among the chains of rusted swings

attic dust and static screens

you still don't know

I can clearly see you

In your upbeat deceit

your voice a baby bird begging

a baby bird begging

You make me ill

I see you, I see you

Pressing hard, cut myself shaving

Glide across the skin

refusing to admit

I see you, I see you

I see

In your upbeat deceit

a baby bird begging

you make me ill and still

you don't realize I can see you

I can clearly see you

I see you, I see you

I see

 
Natural Design 

Right now (Right now)
I float, I swim, I flow (I flow)
I am here, ready (I'm ready)
I have arrived (I have arrived)
I will keep the fight (the fight)
I will hold the line (the line)
I will be the light (the light)
I will glow (I will glow)

This space, this time
Me, you
Stars and atoms positioned for the two

Spells, salt
Open by default
Heartbeats, escapees from the dark
We hope to come home to that ember in the distance
Deceiving the eye, how far away it seems

Unimaginable and unlikely, we perceive
All the while knowing we will hold the line
We will be the light, and glow

We think different no constraints

We flow like rivers through mountain turns with different currents

We go different places and gravity pulls at different paces

before spilling into a single, twisting sea

Frostbite

Sometimes you blink and fall in love
Sometimes you fall in love and fall all alone
Oh, all alone
Oh, all alone

Long ago, dazedly, I laid like death in your arms

and suddenly, amazingly, the harm no longer hurt

as if I died from frostbite
and still to this day I see your hand in mine

I laughed instead of cried when you died
because I suddenly became wholly hollow

Holy pain, caving in
I cried so much for you in life
that when you died I laughed instead of cried

 

I'll carry your casket like the weight of denial

I'll carry your casket like the weight of denial
I'll carry your casket like the weight of denial

Oh, oh, woeful denial

Wholly hollow

Caving in, blowing up, breaking down

Spinning 'round so fast I laugh instead of cry

Long ago, dazedly, I laid like death in your arms

and suddenly, amazingly, the harm no longer hurt

as if I died from frostbite
and still to this day I'll see your hand in mine

I'll carry your casket like the weight of denial

I'll carry your casket like the weight of denial
And still to this day I see your hand in mine

Sometimes you blink and fall in love

Sometimes you fall in love and fall all alone

Oh, all alone

Oh, oh, alone

When long ago, dazedly, I laid like death in your arms

 
Limbo

 

No routes found

No routes found

No routes found

I got in a fight with my self, on my own

now left broken in many colors

burgundy, black, and flesh and bone

No chime on my lonely telephone

No crime against me

worse than by my own hand

I’d ask if you understand

but I don’t, so how can you

but I won’t, so how can you

 

The moon in my eyes like cataracts

and no pill or potion or spell

can even start to counteract

No pill or potion or spell

can save me from this

funeral

 

I’m a vamp, but not for blood, for pain

Pour in your ire, I swear I can bear it

Defenses down and power gain

Always slightly less than sane

Just a bit off-kilter 

I stand with arms akimbo

with mock bravado I pretend

I find comfort in this limbo

I find comfort in this limbo

 

The moon in my eyes like cataracts

and no pill or potion or spell

can even start to counteract

No pill or potion or spell

can save me from this

miracle

 

over-thinking, under thinking 

through and past and between leaving 

me so alone to say hello

to disjointed dreams of twitching foxes

and tumbling boxes falling down on me

So oh alone to say hello

to disjointed dreams of twitching foxes

and tumbling boxes falling down on me

No routes found

No routes found

No routes found

No routes found

This One Thing

 

In another life where I don’t feel moved to write

I’d die on this dirty third coast 

Giving up the ghost and mourning how I never escaped 

 

You ask how I am

I say I don’t know, I’ve been crying a lot

for both those reasons real

and the ones just in my head

 

Even in my weakened state of mind

words fall from slurring lips

In fetal position I ramble like

it’s the only thing keeping me alive

 

In another life 

Giving up the holy ghost and hoping 

Giving up the holy ghost and hoping 

I made it out

I made it out

I made it out 

 

Even in my weakened state of mind

lines fall from finger tips

Curled tight on my side I keep writing like 

it’s the only thing keeping me alive

 

Giving up the holy ghost and hoping 

Hoping jesus just give me this 

Just give me this one thing 

I made it out

I made it out

I made it out 

The Sieve

 

pour yourself out and push through a sieve
alter the altar to reflect your belief
that the price for patience must include
a darker night and deeper wounds.
they say the only way out is through
but tell me this, have they tried going under
drawing lines with thoughts asunder
left to wonder why strife is often glorified, pain romanticized, when I’m just glad I haven’t died by suicide.

Refrain (bleed)

 

Sometimes I’m so busy and full and complete on my own

mind bustling all the time and rarifying boredom

I think to myself I'll be fine

drinking alone at the bar

taking myself on trips

calling myself beautiful

I will fill myself with friends and family

and tattoos and writing

 

I lied to myself believing

the more rarely something’s done

the more special it becomes

 

Sometimes it's nearly midnight 

and there's a slight cool tinge to the air 

around my body alone in this bed 

and then my wedding song 

comes on and oh no, no

my mind overflows with flowers

and body heat and cake and dancing and I wonder

if hope is a blessing or disease

 

I lied to myself believing

the more rarely something’s done

the more special it becomes

 

Whichever it is, I embrace it wholeheartedly 

I lean in with every childish cell and simple sinew in my body

with every lonely bone and tired tendon

Every silly synapse and heart beat sings of this hellish hope

and I scream, I cling, I breathe

I cling

I breathe

I cling

I breathe

I breathe 

I bleed

 
 
 
 

© 2020 by Lee Dobecka