The Curious Blog

curious by both definitions

I had initially planned to pace myself more when it came to pulling cards for myself. Up until recently I had only drawn a single card at a time, so I thought my next step would be two or three cards, perhaps a kind of Past, Present, Future set up.


Well, that plan went out the window when I was at a bar waiting for my friend’s arrival and an awesome IG account I follow (@owlandbonestarot) posted a 7-card spread addressing the reader’s impostor syndrome.


The post called to me, and a few days later I drew my spread. In today’s blog I am going to talk through my findings.


(Note: For the sake of time I will simply be listing the keywords for each card as they appear on biddytarot.com, my go-to reference site. I highly recommend it!)



What makes you feel like a fraud? Nine of Pentacles (Reversed): self-worth, over-investment in work, hustling


The word ‘hustling’ stood out to me most when I looked up this card. Before I moved out on my own, I would not have even related to the word. In my old living situation, I didn’t have the spare energy required to hustle. But now, with blogging and YouTube becoming more consistent fixtures in my life, thinking more deeply about my novel, and developing my intuition, I can relate. I can see how hustling makes me feel like a fraud because I am so new to it. I’m just not accustomed to having so many dishes on the stove top at once. It feels ingenuine because I’m still getting used to it.


More importantly, though, hustling makes me feel like a fake because it requires some innate self-confidence— a belief that your work matters and that you can succeed. This is a mindset that, at this point, I feel awkward developing. I feel like right now I wear confidence like new boots that are stiff and uncomfortable. I believe in time I will break them in, but in the meantime, I kind of feel a blister forming.


Why do you think you’re faking it? The Star (Reversed): Lack of faith, despair, self-trust, disconnection


The first of three Major Arcana in my spread, the reversed Star seemed to slap me in the face. It told me flat-out, ‘You’re not a star’— you’re not note-worthy or deserving of attention. In an even more direct sense, it seemed to say, ‘Your work is not good enough to make you a star in the writing world’.


So, it was with a self-deprecating grin I read the phrase ‘lack of faith’ when I researched the meaning of this card. It is such a spot-on pull that it feels a bit ridiculous.

There’s not much to decipher here— I think I’m faking it because I don’t feel skilled enough. My belief in my ideas and voice in writing is shaky. I doubt the importance of my story.


Where are you being authentic? The Lovers (Reversed): Self-love, disharmony, imbalance, misalignment of values


The message of this draw is pretty damn universal, in my opinion. One of the keys to living an authentic life is to show yourself compassion. When you practice patience and kindness towards yourself, you’re freed from self-limiting thoughts based in fear and lack. Carrying self-hatred in your heart simply makes everything in life more difficult. It’s like wading through sludge— it slows you down and holds you back. The sooner you can accept yourself, the sooner you can reach your full potential.


When I pulled this card, I got an intuitive hit that the reversed Lovers card also signifies singlehood and independence. As a sort of side note, I gathered from this draw that living on my own and being unattached romantically were also important factors in my personal authenticity.


What are your best tools for standing in your own power? Temperance: balance, moderation, patience, purpose Ten of Swords (Reversed): recovery, regeneration, resisting an inevitable end


Basically every keyword for Temperance makes sense in response to this question, but the word that is highlighted in my mind’s eye is ‘patience’. Moving out on my own has truly freed up a ton of mental space and energy to pursue my goals whole-heartedly for basically the first time in my adult life. I need to remember that it hasn’t even been two months yet. I need to take note of and appreciate how much progress I’ve made, and have faith that this upswing is just beginning. Temperance calls on me to stay the course and trust that the Universe will reward my earnest hard work.


The Ten of Swords is an intense card depicting a figure laying on the ground with swords sticking out of his back— but upside-down, the swords are falling out of his body. This card tells me to be mindful of burnout and draining energies around me. I need to keep up with self-care and remember that breaks, fun, and vacations are essential to recharge and come back and tackle the tasks at hand with renewed vigor.

What will help boost your confidence? Two of Rods (Reversed): personal goals, inner alignment, fear of unknown, lack of planning


This card tells me to check in frequently with myself to make sure my goals are based in my own beliefs. I shouldn’t let myself be influenced by outside ideas of what I should be doing or how I should be doing it. Even if a goal could seem silly or pointless to some people (such as learning tarot or making YouTube videos), I should trust my intuitive pull to develop these areas of my life.


This is a very interesting pull to me, because in the context of the given question, I even read positivity in the latter two keywords. ‘Fear of unknown’ and ‘lack of planning’ remind me that going outside my comfort zone and following my gut could also be very effective in building up my self-confidence.

What genuine quality do you need to embrace? Seven of Swords: impostor syndrome, self-deceit, keeping secrets


Now, what are the freakin’ odds that the seventh and final card in this spread would signify impostor syndrome itself? Geez, that’s wild to me.


Anyway, this card creates a circle backwards and tells me to ‘lean into’ what makes me feel like a fraud, which, as denoted by the reversed Nine of Pentacles earlier, means hustling. To me, it exemplifies the idea of ‘fake it til you make it’. In an echo of what I got from Temperance, the Seven of Swords encourages me to keep doing what I’m doing.


In the Seven of Swords, a figure is stealing weapons from a military camp in the cover of darkness, so I gather from this draw that I also need to embrace the calculating and strategic side of my personality as I continue work on my YouTube channel, novel, and blog. I should take advantage of my tendency to plan ahead for future efficiency. In another nod to Temperance, this last card emphasizes the healthy balance of intuition/fluidity and intention/methodical action that will lead to the accomplishment of my goals.


My sister gifted me a signed(!) copy of Jen Sincero’s You Are a Badass for Christmas a couple years back and finally, after a false start or two, I recently finished it. I should note that my hot-and-cold behavior toward the book had nothing to do with the material itself. I'm just a finicky reader. I didn't read with the express intent of providing a comprehensive review, but I do have some points I'd like to share about my reading experience.

I suppose the most important question might be whether I recommend the book, and I definitely DO.


Jen Sincero’s work feels like a solid gateway into the world of self-help literature

Although initially averse to the informal tone of the text, I became used to it quickly and now appreciate how a conversational voice suits the subject matter. I realize, now, more formal diction could have felt pedantic or made the advice given feel unpalatable.



Two things to keep in mind when considering whether to pick up (or download) this work---


The first is that relatively early in the book, Sincero calls on the reader to concede that there is some sort of divine energy guiding the events of our lives, whether this is called God, the Universe, Source Energy, etc.


This task was easy for me because that's already how I naturally feel, but I realize not everyone will find this request so simple. Sincero notes, also, that most personal growth books assert some kind of faith-based confidence, so finding a work that avoids this may prove difficult.

The second point is that the author consistently uses weight loss as a cited goal example alongside major life changes such as falling in love or changing jobs. I initially read malice into this, but in retrospect I see my bias was distorting the information being given, and all in all I believe in Jen Sincero's positive intentions.


Either way, I wanted to note this in case someone with a similar sensitivity is interested in reading. In the end, of course, it's up to you to decide whether this might detract too much from the positive aspects of the work.




The parts of You Are a Badass near the beginning and end were personally the most eye-opening.


Sincero's early analysis of why so many of us feel some kind of insidious 'lack' in our lives deeply comforted me

It's a similar validation as the assertion that clinical anxiety and depression have a more simple and logical cause than something like a personality flaw.


Points made around the middle of the book felt a bit obvious, but I think my perspective was skewed because I’ve been working for a while on adjusting my thoughts and bringing my self-talk to a more affirming place. I can easily see how years or even months ago these same points would have felt more revelatory.



I wasn't sure what to expect when I started reading You Are a Badass, as it was my first foray into the self-help world. Perhaps I was expecting a series of intense epiphanies, a type of boot camp for the psyche. Instead, the experience I had with this book felt like walking down a forest path and uncovering a pocket-full of small, precious gems. There are definitely bits of insight from this book I will carry forward with me indefinitely, especially concerning time and money (which makes me curious about the author's book entitled You Are a Badass at Making Money.)


Sincero delivers her wisdom with warmth and many concrete examples from her life to illustrate her points. As I read, I definitely felt like I was learning from someone who practiced their sermon.


The true testament of this book's effectiveness is that it prompted me to start my blog after months of hesitation

I still have a lot to learn about blogging, writing, and life as a whole, but that will always be true. I am at least now taking a more active role in creating the life I want, and for that reason, I do in fact feel some badassery starting to bloom. ♥


Over the past few months I have pulled four tarot cards, and the results have been encouraging and validating. I did not have to reach far to see how the cards related directly to my life. I'm a complete beginner when it comes to reading tarot, so I thought I'd document my thoughts so far, and most likely future developments as well.


The first interesting point about these cards is that three of the four were Major Arcana. In a 78-card deck, there are only 22 of these.

Major Arcana deal with fated events, as opposed to the day-to-day significance of Minor Arcana

I pulled the Justice card soon after a job interview, the card of cause and effect, unbiased judgement, and the logical decision-making process of the law. This card told me that whatever the outcome of the interview, it would be the right path for me.


I didn’t get the job, which was disappointing, but at the same time I realized starting a new career just as I was moving into a new apartment would have been too much to handle. Also, without a more stressful nine-to-five, I'd have more energy for personal work dealing with my novel and blog. With the help of Justice, I accepted the rejection more easily than I would have in the past, although I still plan on getting a new job after other things in my life settle down.

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A couple weeks later, out of nowhere, I had the feeling it was time to pull another card. As before, I shuffled with care until it felt ‘right’ to draw. It’s hard to describe how I decide when it’s time to draw. I just pause in my shuffling and focus on the deck in front of me. I suppose simply tap into my intuition until I get a ‘gut feeling’ of a yes or no, although when it’s time to draw I feel it more in the center of my chest.


The second card was the High Priestess. It immediately felt important, of course, but I didn’t know what it meant. It turns out this card signifies that, should a person be working to develop their intuitive gifts (as I clearly am), they are on the right track. It’s a sign to keep learning and trusting yourself.


I didn’t know it at the time, but I happened to draw this card on the day I found and applied to the apartment I'm writing from right now. I wasn’t planning on looking at places that day, but my realtor texted me out of the blue saying he was free. I was unusually tired that day, but I had the feeling I needed to accept his offer. ‘What if this is the day I find the perfect place?’ I asked myself. I knew I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. To say I’m glad about this choice would be a massive understatement.

The intuitive work I did that day changed my life entirely

The third card came to me in a different way than the previous two. My first night in my new place, I sat on the edge of my bed and shuffled the cards. I fumbled a bit with the deck and a single card fell to the floor, face-down. I knew immediately this was the one I was supposed to read. It wanted to be seen.


The card that showed itself to me that night was the Ace of Rods (otherwise known as Wands). This card is not one of the Major Arcana, but all aces are highly significant and manifest themselves often at a time of new beginnings. An ace is always a sign of huge potential for growth; it's a seed representing the most unadulterated energy of whatever suit it belongs to.

Upon research, I found some words associated with Wands to be intuition, communication, spring, inspiration, fire, and energy. The Ace of Wands calls one to follow their gut and take on a new, approaching challenge. It inspires creativity, courage, and confidence.


This card felt especially important and encouraging to me. I had just gotten myself out of an extremely stifling living situation where I felt stunted physically, mentally, and emotionally. The Ace of Wands told me that, with this new freedom, my creative energy would blossom and I would soon be producing more writing, and work of a higher caliber.


I should note I have been in my apartment less than a month and even with more peripheral creative outlets of mine, like my YouTube channel, I have felt especially inspired. I suddenly thought of a video idea I’d never considered before, which I have already written the script for. I feel my poetry is getting stronger as well. I recently re-worked an older piece and it feels more layered and nuanced. There’s a kind of maturity to the phrasing that wasn’t there before. I cannot wait to see how this new space continues to nurture my creative potential.

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The fourth card and third Major Arcana, the Moon, is the most recent card I’ve pulled. I was showing a friend my cards and briefly touching on some of the points I planned on making in this post, when I impulsively drew the card at the top of the deck. It is interesting to consider that this draw was done without really thinking about it.

The Moon primarily represents the subconscious

The Moon also signifies illusions— it tells you things may not be what they seem. I believe this card is telling me to see past some idealistic thinking I may have about my new apartment and the writing that will take place here. I need to remember that this new work will not just appear on the page by some thoughtless flow. This will still be a lot of difficult work, a lot of time and energy spent.


It makes sense to me, also, that the Moon can represent fear being injected into a person’s present and future. Creeping up behind my recent hope and excitement, an insecurity about my writing has been looming as well, sometimes overpowering my positive feelings entirely. I’ve been dwelling on the new pressure I’m under now that I don’t have the ‘excuse’ of my previous environment holding me back. My confidence in my ideas and skills have recently been shakier than in many months prior, which has definitely been an unsettling contrast to the purely optimistic attitude of a few weeks prior.

These four cards come together to create a unified picture and road map

These cards tell me that in this new beginning I possess enormous potential for growth and progression in my personal and creative life. During this time, I am called to recognize the invalidity of my fears and follow my intuition, whose strength I am doing well to develop, and should continue doing so. What is meant to happen, will happen, if I am willing to push forward wholeheartedly into the projects that inspire my passion, and stay courageous as I follow this fated path.


Until next time, loves, I hope you stay curious.