I mentioned before that I had drawn a ‘Year Ahead’ tarot spread for 2020. I chose three cards for each month, one Major Arcana, one Minor, and one card from what is called an Oracle deck, a deck of only 35 cards, each denoted with a single word/concept such as It Gets Better, Choice, or Healing. As April is now upon us, it’s only fitting to address what I drew for this month. (As always, I have chosen to include the key words as noted on biddytarot.com.)
Major Arcana The Tower (Reversed) Key Words: personal transformation, fear of change, averting disaster
The inverted Tower resonates with me quite easily in this case, as myself and the collective whole are working to navigate the unprecedented world climate in the midst of the COVID-19 epidemic. I feel that, for some, this situation is acting as a hard reset to prompt people to assess their path in life, their priorities.
I’m incredibly fortunate to be in the process of setting up work from home arrangements, which call to the terms fear of change and averting disaster. The first, because I worry how these arrangements will hinder the momentum I’ve gained on my novel, and the second is clearly in regard to the fact that I will still be pulling in a paycheck.
I live alone, and as hinted at above, in my quarantine isolation I have buried myself in creative work of various kinds, but most prominently on my novel, Syndrome.
Delving so deeply into this immense project has indeed started to transform me in two distinct ways
It stands to reason that these changes would continue into April. Firstly, and most obviously, I'm growing as a writer. Although it is a bit difficult to admit, I feel my skills are strengthening. I'm discovering aspects about my characters that are changing the way they live in their world, and most vitally, their relationships with each other are also transforming. Preconceptions I once held about ‘what kind of book’ Syndrome was going to be are falling by the wayside, and I’m being made to adapt accordingly. Secondly, really digging into my book has prompted my learning more about myself, as a person separate from my craft. Latent desires are being uncovered; personal fascinations and points of view are being brought forward into the light to be examined from undiscovered angles. Minor Arcana Two of Coins (Reversed) Key Words: over-committed, disorganization, reprioritization
This card follows the previous rather neatly, with the word over-committed, when considering the way I’ve buried myself in work these past couple weeks. Following this line of thought, this card could be telling me to slow down to avoid burnout.
More pointedly, over-committed combined with reprioritization speaks to a decreased focus on my other projects. Of course, this is only natural as I’ve been working on Syndrome for hours a day. However, I can’t help but wonder if this shifting of priorities is meant to be more drastic than it has been so far.
A few times recently, I would think to myself that I should get in front of my phone camera to make another YouTube video, and the thought was shoved aside rather roughly. I thought, Fuck that. I need to work on my book. This kind of dismissiveness is entirely new to me, but it was my gut reaction a couple different times. I wonder if this is my intuitive cue that YouTube will not be as vital a component to my progress toward my ultimate goal of publication.
Honestly, this saddens me. It doesn’t sit well. I’ve not stopped coming up with and working on video ideas, and I still want to make these videos. Maybe the harshness in my mind, when thinking about YouTube, was only because I was mentally in book mode and knew I shouldn’t break the flow I had in the moment.
Whatever the case may be, I’m definitely going to keep these ideas in mind moving into April. I will seek to give myself permission to take regular breaks without guilt.
Overall, I take this card as a sign that Syndrome is precisely where my focus is supposed to be right now
The Oracle Card Grieve
This card, naturally, gave me pause when I discovered it. But upon further thought, I realized maybe this card is like the Death card in tarot, not as dire and direct as it seems.
In the context of the other cards, I see the Grieve card as referring to letting go of my old self, to make a way for the new that the reversed Tower hinted at.
NOTE: I had paused at this point of writing to count the number of Oracle cards, and I discovered a booklet with a brief description of each card. Grieve read: Grieving is important. You don’t need to feel guilty for being sad. Let it take over; feel the grief fully.
Clearly this does not bode well for my circumstances in April, and I’m not sure what else to say in speculation. At least, not until addressing card number 4.
Here we have another example of how fluid communication from the Universe can be
As I was looking through my deck for the Tower card to take a photo of it, along with the other two April cards, a single card fell onto the floor, face down. I knew I was supposed to see it, so of course I'm obliged to talk about here, as I feel this communication is also regarding April of 2020.
Bonus Card (Minor Arcana) 5 of Swords Key Words: conflict, disagreements, competition, defeat, winning at all costs In its most basic sense, this card points to interpersonal conflict in someone’s life. No such tension has been building in my life at this moment, but I will take care moving forward to demonstrate patience and understanding in the interactions I have with my friends and family.
Competition and defeat are the words that by far trouble me most with this pull, as April is the month I am to hear back about a poetry contest I’d entered back in January.
I’ve not yet sent stronger work into a contest, and my optimism is still burning in my heart, although much more dimly than before I saw this card, especially incorporating the Grieve card I pulled months ago. I fear even as I write this, that I am undoing the positive manifestation work I’ve so far done concerning this matter. I admit to a small sense of dread.
Although it is quite remarkable to think that, combined with the timing in which I found the description of Grieve in the booklet, this card was meant to clarify what Grieve meant, almost for the express purpose of filling out this blog post (!)
… Now that I think on it more, I feel that this card could be reminding me that pursuing your artistic goals is in fact not a competition with other artists.
Just because one person is successful, doesn’t mean there’s now no room for you and your work ‘at the top’
If anything, I feel that a creative person will most surely thrive if they build up and support other artists and maintain a competitive spirit solely with themselves— always striving to have sharper skills than they had the day, or even hour before.
On this note I will close this entry, keeping in mind many potential lessons— and knowing that, as with so many things in life, only time will succeed to enlighten us further.