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I mentioned before that I had drawn a ‘Year Ahead’ tarot spread for 2020. I chose three cards for each month, one Major Arcana, one Minor, and one card from what is called an Oracle deck, a deck of only 35 cards, each denoted with a single word/concept such as It Gets Better, Choice, or Healing. As April is now upon us, it’s only fitting to address what I drew for this month. (As always, I have chosen to include the key words as noted on biddytarot.com.)



Major Arcana The Tower (Reversed) Key Words: personal transformation, fear of change, averting disaster

The inverted Tower resonates with me quite easily in this case, as myself and the collective whole are working to navigate the unprecedented world climate in the midst of the COVID-19 epidemic. I feel that, for some, this situation is acting as a hard reset to prompt people to assess their path in life, their priorities.


I’m incredibly fortunate to be in the process of setting up work from home arrangements, which call to the terms fear of change and averting disaster. The first, because I worry how these arrangements will hinder the momentum I’ve gained on my novel, and the second is clearly in regard to the fact that I will still be pulling in a paycheck.

I live alone, and as hinted at above, in my quarantine isolation I have buried myself in creative work of various kinds, but most prominently on my novel, Syndrome.


Delving so deeply into this immense project has indeed started to transform me in two distinct ways

It stands to reason that these changes would continue into April. Firstly, and most obviously, I'm growing as a writer. Although it is a bit difficult to admit, I feel my skills are strengthening. I'm discovering aspects about my characters that are changing the way they live in their world, and most vitally, their relationships with each other are also transforming. Preconceptions I once held about ‘what kind of book’ Syndrome was going to be are falling by the wayside, and I’m being made to adapt accordingly. Secondly, really digging into my book has prompted my learning more about myself, as a person separate from my craft. Latent desires are being uncovered; personal fascinations and points of view are being brought forward into the light to be examined from undiscovered angles. Minor Arcana Two of Coins (Reversed) Key Words: over-committed, disorganization, reprioritization

This card follows the previous rather neatly, with the word over-committed, when considering the way I’ve buried myself in work these past couple weeks. Following this line of thought, this card could be telling me to slow down to avoid burnout.


More pointedly, over-committed combined with reprioritization speaks to a decreased focus on my other projects. Of course, this is only natural as I’ve been working on Syndrome for hours a day. However, I can’t help but wonder if this shifting of priorities is meant to be more drastic than it has been so far.


A few times recently, I would think to myself that I should get in front of my phone camera to make another YouTube video, and the thought was shoved aside rather roughly. I thought, Fuck that. I need to work on my book. This kind of dismissiveness is entirely new to me, but it was my gut reaction a couple different times. I wonder if this is my intuitive cue that YouTube will not be as vital a component to my progress toward my ultimate goal of publication.


Honestly, this saddens me. It doesn’t sit well. I’ve not stopped coming up with and working on video ideas, and I still want to make these videos. Maybe the harshness in my mind, when thinking about YouTube, was only because I was mentally in book mode and knew I shouldn’t break the flow I had in the moment.


Whatever the case may be, I’m definitely going to keep these ideas in mind moving into April. I will seek to give myself permission to take regular breaks without guilt.


Overall, I take this card as a sign that Syndrome is precisely where my focus is supposed to be right now

The Oracle Card Grieve


This card, naturally, gave me pause when I discovered it. But upon further thought, I realized maybe this card is like the Death card in tarot, not as dire and direct as it seems.


In the context of the other cards, I see the Grieve card as referring to letting go of my old self, to make a way for the new that the reversed Tower hinted at.


NOTE: I had paused at this point of writing to count the number of Oracle cards, and I discovered a booklet with a brief description of each card. Grieve read: Grieving is important. You don’t need to feel guilty for being sad. Let it take over; feel the grief fully.


Clearly this does not bode well for my circumstances in April, and I’m not sure what else to say in speculation. At least, not until addressing card number 4.


Here we have another example of how fluid communication from the Universe can be

As I was looking through my deck for the Tower card to take a photo of it, along with the other two April cards, a single card fell onto the floor, face down. I knew I was supposed to see it, so of course I'm obliged to talk about here, as I feel this communication is also regarding April of 2020.




Bonus Card (Minor Arcana) 5 of Swords Key Words: conflict, disagreements, competition, defeat, winning at all costs In its most basic sense, this card points to interpersonal conflict in someone’s life. No such tension has been building in my life at this moment, but I will take care moving forward to demonstrate patience and understanding in the interactions I have with my friends and family.


Competition and defeat are the words that by far trouble me most with this pull, as April is the month I am to hear back about a poetry contest I’d entered back in January.


I’ve not yet sent stronger work into a contest, and my optimism is still burning in my heart, although much more dimly than before I saw this card, especially incorporating the Grieve card I pulled months ago. I fear even as I write this, that I am undoing the positive manifestation work I’ve so far done concerning this matter. I admit to a small sense of dread.


Although it is quite remarkable to think that, combined with the timing in which I found the description of Grieve in the booklet, this card was meant to clarify what Grieve meant, almost for the express purpose of filling out this blog post (!)


… Now that I think on it more, I feel that this card could be reminding me that pursuing your artistic goals is in fact not a competition with other artists.


Just because one person is successful, doesn’t mean there’s now no room for you and your work ‘at the top’

If anything, I feel that a creative person will most surely thrive if they build up and support other artists and maintain a competitive spirit solely with themselves— always striving to have sharper skills than they had the day, or even hour before.


On this note I will close this entry, keeping in mind many potential lessons— and knowing that, as with so many things in life, only time will succeed to enlighten us further.


[LD]

Lately I’ve been looking into astrology more. It’s a topic that sometimes makes me more excited than tarot. (Although I surely don’t plan on abandoning that practice any time soon.)


I discuss astrology a lot with my co-workers. It always feels awesome to find people to talk about this stuff with— topics that are not taken very seriously, points of view that are easy to make fun of.


One co-worker of mine (let’s call her ‘R’) has a boyfriend with a Pisces Sun (we’ll call him ‘J’) and was explaining to me one day, how he doesn’t act very Piscean.


A couple months prior, I had discussed with R some aspects of Pisces that are sometimes not mentioned as much, such as their self-sacrificing nature.. and this seemed to make sense of things a bit, but the topic came up again recently.


J presented to me a puzzle, and I wanted to figure it out, if not completely.. then at least to a point that felt satisfying.

In the end, I asked to see the breakdown of J's natal chart, and this is where things got interesting for me. For reference, this is what that part of a chart looks like, when calculated on cafeastrology.com:





(This is a random chart)


As I read the table, two sections jumped out at me in such a natural way that I felt perhaps this kind of spiritual practice is what I am destined to work towards, in earnest. But even now, I'm not sure how much of that sentiment is true(!)


The parts that stood out to me on this chart, of a man I’d never met, were as follows:


Mercury in Aries: Having the planet of communication housed in the first, fiery zodiac sign told me that J most likely expressed himself in a straight-forward and assertive manner, as this placement counteracts the tendency of a Pisces Sun to approach matters in a gentle, even sometimes overly-accommodating manner. Upon asking R about this, she confirmed that it was true.


Neptune in Capricorn: Here I saw that J has the modern ruler of Pisces, the planet of dreams and illusions, in the sign of business, to-do lists, and concrete goals. Upon a bit of research, I found that Neptune in Capricorn is in its Falling placement. A planet in Fall creates tension in the chart, as the planet’s nature is weakened and in contrast with the vibrations of the sign it resides in. I found this to be an even more obvious way J’s Piscean tendencies could have been stifled.



I oftentimes feel doubtful of my abilities to read tarot and accurately discuss astrology, especially as I still feel so new to it. So, the wild thing about this situation was, when I was telling R my thoughts, I was only slightly worried that I was wrong. After a brief rush of doubt, I was pretty damn sure of what I was saying. I remember thinking, This has to be right; I’m reading it right here, in black and white.


In that moment, I felt connected to my intuition. I trusted myself, so I knew I was right.

Overall, I took this mini-reading as a milestone reassuring me that I am in fact making progress in my study of astrology. It serves as a bright flag staked along my path, and I feel empowered and grateful.


I think that’s about it, for now, friends. I hope you stay curious until next time!


[LD]

After an intensive 2020 year-ahead tarot pull I performed a while ago, (that I plan on blogging about going forward through the year), I’d left the 3 decks I used out of their boxes. Yesterday, as I cleaned up around my apartment, I gathered the decks to shuffle them and return them to their homes.


As I shuffled, I was careful not to glace at the face of any of the cards, as is my habit. As I mixed the cards up, I wondered idly if any cards were going to present themselves to me, like they had in the past— where a slip of the hand allows a card to escape the deck, and I feel inclined to see which one it is. However, I wasn’t expecting it to happen— and of course I was not trying to shuffle in a way that might induce a slip up.


So, I was still surprised when 3 cards seemed to jump over towards me from my Transformational Tarot Deck by Arnell Ando.




Excitement warmed my heart as I put the cards in the order of their appearance. Two are Major Arcana and the remaining is a court, or face card. This kind of pull addresses more of a bigger-picture, destiny-driven point of view, compared to the Minor Arcana such as the 8 of swords or 3 of pentacles.


I still turned to the Biddy Tarot site for guidance on the key words and description, but before I reference these points, I am going to log my personal reaction based on my memory and intuitive interpretation.


The Princess of Cups


A Cup court card piques my interest because the Cup suit represents water. I am connected to water astrologically, as a Pisces sun and Scorpio ascendant. Water represents emotion, intuition, and adaptability.


The court cards, in order of rank, are Page, Knight, Queen, and King. I learned with a quick look-up that the Princess is equivalent to the Page. The Page/Princess is the messenger of the court, and as a relative youngster compared to the other face cards, I feel she represents a fresh enthusiasm and ripe energy. (I’ve actually looked into the Page of Cups before, as it was the name of my second IG account before I shifted it to be my zine account!)


The Princess of Cups is an invitation to expect the unexpected, such as the sudden appearance of creative inspiration or drive

This is depicted traditionally on the art of the card as a fish (another Pisces connection) popping its head out of a goblet.


Key Words: creative opportunities, intuitive messages, curiosity, possibility


This pull makes perfect sense to me, as I am striving, through adjusting my ADD medication and buying a planner, to get into an efficient, productive rhythm with my creative projects after a bit of a ‘rest’ from them in January as I began a fitness journey.


This Princess pulls one to develop their intuitive and emotional side. I associate this also with astrology, which I am in the midst of reading about and exploring. She calls you to watch for signs from the Universe, which I think is kind of funny, because this out-of-the-blue pull is definitely one of them!


The Devil


This card, to me, doesn’t have nearly as negative a connotation as it would seem.


The Devil, to me, represents a break or shift in routine, or perhaps perspective. The traditional art displays a man and woman chained to Satan’s throne—but when you look closely, you see the bindings are loose, and the people could easily escape if they so choose.


Therefore, this card tells me that the only person holding me back, is me. Personally, I relate to this because I have recently felt so overwhelmed with all the projects I am looking to start a schedule for, especially that of my novel. It is difficult for me to parse out achievable goals, instead of thinking of all the thousands of words I have yet to put down.


Key Words: shadow self, attachment, addiction, restriction, sexuality


I hadn’t related the concept of the shadow self to this card before, but it makes sense. Bridget from Biddy Tarot states that the Devil appears when one has been tricked into thinking they have no control over their darker side.


In a recent natal chart reading, the astrologer I worked with saw an aspect of my chart calling me to embrace this part of my psyche.


She cited the belief that the shadow is the creator of art

I associate the shadow self to trouble, distress, pain, violence, and deceit. As I work with grim topics in my writing, these concepts all come together to push me to embrace this darkness as I work on my novel.


The Sorceress


In looking up the equivalent of this card in traditional decks (the High Priestess) I saw the start of the description, so I am going to start with those points.


Key Words: intuition, sacred knowledge, divine feminine, the subconscious mind


This card calls back to the Princess’ invitation to embrace my intuition. The Sorceress is someone who has answered this call and can move between the conscious and subconscious realms. She tells me to be still and look for the answers within myself that are not bound in strict logic, but an intuitive ‘knowing.’


For a person such as myself, who is working to develop my psychic gifts, through tarot and other means, the Sorceress tells me I am on the right track. She instructs me to look at the places in my life that are lacking flow (my creative life) and trust that the more I follow my intuition; the easier things will move forward.


This card is telling me to loosen the reigns a bit when it comes to my creative projects. Specifically, I feel this is telling me to follow what makes me excited when it comes to choosing YouTube video topics, worrying less about views, as they will follow when people see my genuine enthusiasm and care.


I feel the Sorceress advises me to stop doubting my instincts as I work on my novel, to cut off the thoughts of whether people will find it over-the-top, or worse yet, uninteresting.


A few times, I have felt like a prophet scribbling visions as I write, and I feel I need to lean into this feeling more

Overall, this surprise tarot spread is deeply encouraging, especially as it occurred right at the full moon. I feel deeply connected to the moon for various reasons. I keep track of the cycle, and personally, the full moon energy feels more like a new to me, and the new feels like a moment for rest. So a happenstance reading at this time, during my birth month, feels poignant and comforting.


I’m excited to implement the tools I’ve gathered for myself in the past couple weeks to pursue my creative career with renewed focus and trust in the Universe that if I put in the work, things will line up for me and 2020 will be a pivotal year in my creative life.


Until next time, loves. Stay curious.

© 2020 by Lee Dobecka